PASSIONATE KISSES IN MOVIE ARJUN REDDY & THE BURNING QUESTION, “CAN PASSIONATE KISSES AND MORE WITHOUT ACTUAL SEX BE SHARED BETWEEN THOSE IN A ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP BEFORE MARRIAGE?”
Dr. Duke Jeyaraj answers from the Bible frankly
An August 23, 2017 article published in the Hindustan Times talked at length about the kissing-scenes in the released-in-August2017 Telugu movie, Arjun Reddy. It reported Actor Vijay Deverakonda statement about the kissing-scenes this way: “When people watch the film, they would understand the purpose behind the scene. He kisses her out of love and passion. I don’t understand what’s vulgar about kissing when in a relationship. It’s not like we have shot the lip-lock sequence in poor taste.” This actor was arguing for passionate kissing between those in a romantic relationships before marriage here. Shalini Pandey, the heroine involved in the film that had 16 kissing scenes going by a Hyderabad Indian Express edition’s supplement on 30th August 2017 report said that she didn’t find the kissing scenes weird and had no inhibitions in doing them.
What would the Bible answer modern youth who are asking the question, "Can I kiss passionately without going further, my faithful boyfriend?" - that is what I was contemplating. What would the Bible's reply to youth who are asking, "How far is too far when it comes to boy-girl intimacy before marriage? "Can Jesus-loving girls sing with Barbie, "You can touch my hair and touch me everywhere?" “What will the Maker of my body, God, think about me making out with my boy-friend/girl-friend?” Well, that is the question!
JESUS TOUCHED WOMEN, BUT…
You know what? Jesus, a normal red blooded young man touched women and allowed them to touch him. In fact about one woman he said, "from the time I entered, she has not stopped kissing my feet" (Luke 7:45). Jesus took Jairus' young daughter by the hand (Mark 5:41). Before we punch the air to exclaim, "My Master touched the opposite sex and therefore I can have a whale of a time!" do notice in what situations he touched women. It was in public places before the eyes of the several others. There was no secrecy about it. And nothing obscene about what he was doing. Period. So those fun-games we play in the church in front of each other which involve touching the opposite sex in an appropriate way would be cool in Christ's eyes.
DO A CLINTON? DO A LEWINSKY?
But we must probe this matter little deeper. "What about touching the opposite sex, the way Bill Clinton touched Monica Lewinsky?" – that's probably the question that hides at back of your mind. In Scripture we do find the answer for this burning issue. Certainly. Here I outline what four different books of the Bible have to say about this sensitive subject:
THE PAGAN'S CLEAR CONVICTION –
When a Pagan (a Non-believer) king saw, Isaac 'fondling' his wife Rebecca through the window, he shot a question: "Why did you not tell me that Rebecca was your wife, Isaac. Why did you instead say that she was just your sister?" Stop. Listen. There is a moral in this narrative. A truth for youth hidden in this story found in Genesis 26:1-9. It is this: even a disbelieving king knew instinctively that only a husband and wife can fondle each other – not just any couple! Even a pagan king instinctively knew that you could fondle only your wife – not anyone else of the opposite sex. When this is the case, it is quite sorrowful to note young people who are church-regulars also being casual sex regulars.
THE PROVERBS' PENMAN'S PENETRATING QUESTION –
The Proverb's penman's question to this generation of youth who have no qualms about exploring every inch of the body of the opposite sex is this straight-forward: "Why embrace the breasts of another man's wife?" (Prov 5:19). Just the previous verse in this passage makes out that the breasts of young wife must be caressed by only by her young husband (verse 18).
Physical intimacy with the opposite sex before marriage is like scooping fire on your lap and expecting nothing to happen (Prov 6:27). Duffy Robbins said, "You can't spend your time heating up hormones – by indulging in petting – and expect nothing to come out of it!" .
The problem with petting is this: you will want to get more and more intimate with the person of the opposite sex you are getting physical with. I haven't yet met a young man who told his girlfriend, "Girl that kiss was awesome. However, from our next meeting onwards we will just shake hands – okay!" Even in the Bible I read about a young man who first "strolled" near a seductive woman's home; then he started to "smooch" her only to finally "sleep" with her (Prov 7:8-23). Notice how he graduated from lesser forms of intimacy to greater forms. Our body is wired that way. The Bible calls him "a youth who lacked judgment" (Prov 7:7). And if we get physically intimate with the opposite sex we too will earn that same name. You don't want it – do you? "If you cannot stop, don't start!" – that was a signboard put up in a Brake Station. Relay that principle in the area of sexual intimacy and the message is crystal clear: if you want to stay a virgin and please the Lord, don't even start to be physically intimate with a person of the opposite sex! Be the Joseph who ran away from the woman who touched him the wrong way (Gen 39:12).
THE POETRY OF SOLOMON'S CONCLUSION –
The young lady in Song of Songs describes the way she is physically intimate with her man very graphically: "His left hand is under my head and his right hand embraces me" (SS 2:6 NLT). Shortly after this statement, comes the call which was referred to earlier in this piece: "Promise me, O Women of Jerusalem…not to awaken love until the time is right" (v. 7). Keeping the context of this verse just quoted, we can conclusively say that the young woman of Song of Songs is saying this: "Do not get physically intimate with the opposite sex until the time is right! Show some temperance. Show self-control! " And we know from Scripture that 'the right time' for climaxing one's sexual desires is within the boundary of marriage. Therefore true romantic love certainly will not indulge in intimate touching of the opposite gender before marriage.
Sure, the couple in Song of Songs did pet and fondle each other a lot. The man in question in this book 'browses among the lilies' (2:16). He also goes to his garden 'to pasture and pluck lilies' (6:2). And you know what – sheep never eat lilies! So obviously in the boy's vocabulary the girl is the "lily" he wants to pluck – fondle, caress and touch intimately (See 2:2)! But remember they were already married (5:16). The young man calls the girl his "bride" – not girlfriend (4:12; 5:1). So we learn again from Song of Songs that petting is out of bounds for those not married to each other.
THE PROPHET'S GRAPHIC PARABOLIC NARRATION -
Prophet Ezekiel in his 23rdchapter wrote a graphic parabolic narration of how two sisters, Oholah and Oholibah (symbolic of Israel and Judah) allowed men to touch them in places they shouldn't have touched. God did not mince words when he named the act of allowing one's breasts to be fondled as "prostitution" and explicitly said that he was "disgusted" with such behavior in this shocking passage (Ezek 23:3,18,19,21). Bible Scholars explain, this passage actually speaks of "the elect people of Israel's figurative promiscuity in Egypt where they sought to be caressed by a foreign faith and culture" (New International Dictionary of Old Testament Theology and Exegesis: Volume 4 - London: Paternoster Press, 1996, page 1091). They brilliantly observe that, in this passage, the breasts fondled by illicit lovers of these young girls were being torn as part of God's judgment upon them (Refer to Ezek 23:21,34) (Ibid., Volume III, page 214). I believe that even through this passage, God is teaching modern youth that he is pretty peeved when they get intimate with the opposite gender without the benefit of marriage. Have you grasped this truth for youth that emanates from Ezekiel 23? There were days you learnt truths only from elementary passages like Psalm 23 when you were a child. You aren't one anymore! You have grown up! Grow up to grasp this lesson that jumps out from Ezekiel 23!
OUR PATRIARCH'S PRACTICAL WISDOM LED SUGGESTION -
Talk without holding back with your grandpa. Have a frank discussion with your grandmom. Ask them why they are not comfortable when you get touchy-feely with the person of the opposite gender before marriage. They may not quote any of the Scripture passages or verses you have read so far in this article. But they could say something like this: "We don't know what will happen tomorrow or in the days to come when it comes to your relationship with this person. When this is the case, why do have to become so close physically with him or her. What if, something goes wrong and you actually do not marry this person with whom you are merry-making without holding any part of your body back? Will you not feel bad? Would you not feel miserable? And those scars can stay with you for a lifetime and affect your marriage with someone else! So, keep the opposite gender at an arm's length from you, dear!"
Guess what? There is a lot of practical wisdom in what they are concerned about. Not only that. There is Scriptural truth behind this counsel as well. Yes, the Bible in many places tells us we do not know what will happen to us in the future (James 4:14).So getting physically intimate with a person you know you can never be 100% sure of marrying, until the event has actually happened, is nothing but plain folly!
The concern of our older folk is illustrated by the story I have narrated below:
KARAN'S QUESTION AND SHAHID'S ANSWER
Karan Johar shot a point blank question to Actor Shahid Kapoor in the Star World TV program that was aired on March 9, 2007 titled "Koffee with Karan". This was the question: "In one word tell me what you think of casual sex?" His girlfriend of three years, actress Kareena Kapoor was sitting beside him in the show. When Shahid answered that "casual sex was convenient" he was only airing the views of the google generation that they didn't mind exploring the bodies of the opposite gender without actually having "sex". And we know what happened to the much publicized relationship between Shahid and Kareena. They broke up. And Kareena is now going around with the already-married actor, Saif Ali Khan (at the point of writing this piece, I must add, because we never know in the world of Formula One Speed World of Bollywood Liasions…!). After reading this real life incident, do you now see why your older folk were not cool or happy when you got too close physically with your friend from the opposite gender?
WHAT DISGUSTS DICAPRIO -
Your grand pop seem to have a very unlikely person agreeing with them in this regard. Who? Leonardo Di Caprio of the Titanic Movie fame. I was surprised to read this about the man who probably did the most watched kiss of all time on the screen: "Kissing disgusts Dicaprio!" He went on to say in the news item, "The human mouth is one of the dirtiest things in the planet! There's so much bacteria, slime and trapped food. A dog's mouth is cleaner!" (learnt fromwww.imdb.com on 9 March 2007). If you avoided kissing altogether before marriage, apart from keeping you off from sexual sin you would have kept your mouth from bacteria, it looks like!
WHAT CONSTITUTES FOREPLAY -
In the excellent book, "Every Man's Battle" authors Steven Arterburn and Fred Stoeker, write these lines - lines that throw practical light on the hot topic being discussed here: "What ..is foreplay? Mutual stroking of the genitals is foreplay. Even stroking the top of the thigh can be foreplay.When a girl lays her head on the lap of a young boy, that's foreplay. Slow dancing can be foreplay when certain parts of the body are in close contact. Heavy kissing around the neck and chest leads naturally to stripping, which leads to mutual masturbation, which leads to intercourse." Foreplay - these authors - rightly assert on the basis of God's Word is to HAPPEN ONLY BETWEEN THOSE ALREADY MARRIED, NOT JUST ANY COUPLE!
UNCLE BILLY GRAHAM'S EXAMPLE -
Therefore never get into a confined space alone with a person of the opposite sex and lock yourself in. This simple practical step will save you from the temptation to have the kind of physical intimacy that will displease the Lord. Billy Graham writes in his best selling autobiography JUST AS I AM about how he refused to meet with Hilary Clinton in private but insisted that they sit in front of others in a restaurant and meet. Here are the exact words he used in reply to Hillary Clinton's request, "I would be delighted to. But I don't have private luncheons with beautiful ladies. We could sit in the middle of the dining room at the Capital Hotel where everybody would be able to see us, and still have a private conversation" He was in his seventies when this particular incident happened! (USA: HarperSanFrancisco Zondervan, 1997, page 651). Billy Graham certainly understood all what the scripture said about physical intimacy limits with a member of the opposite sex! Thank you for the example, uncle Billy!
"I HAVE ALREADY BEEN FONDLED, SO WHAT I DO I DO" -
After having read so far, you could say this: "I have already been intimate physically with a boy who is not a believer. What should I do now? If I break up with him at this point, he will never marry me!" You know what? That is your golden opportunity to just do that and break up with him. By doing that you will please the Lord who word clearly says believers must marry those who are ALREADY believers (not becoming one or in the process of becoming one – I Cor 7:36 onwards and II Cor 6:14). Any boy (or girl) who touches you the wrong way cannot be a true, practicing believer. By marrying the person who is physically intimate with you before marriage you will convert your single sin into double sin. So why do it?
SOME WAS SMACKED BECAUSE YOU ALLOWED YOURSELF TO BE FONDLED -
Come to Jesus. NOW! He will wash your sins away – not matter how bad you have been all this while in this area. He died for you on the cross so that he can wash away your sin. He was beaten in His sinless body for the sins of your body – including the sin of allowing the opposite gender to fondle you, before marriage (I Pet 2:24). He was beateN that you might have peace – peace you tried to unsuccessfully get by allowing that friend of yours to touch you places that you should not be touched (Isa 53:5). Yes, someone was smacked, by cruel Roman Soldiers because you allowed yourself to be fondled! That was Jesus! He took your punishment upon Himself! Though your sins are blood red, they will become white as snow when you ask Jesus to cleanse you (Isa 1:18). You will be pure in His eyes and that is what counts! He will make you a real virgin again! So why are you waiting? Are you getting already sent that SMS to your friend from the opposite gender, saying that it is over between you both?
(This is an extract from Duke Jeyaraj's book, NO BEATING ABOUT BUSH STRAIGHT TALK ON HUSHED UP MATTERS! The price of his book is Rs.100/- (courier charges extra Rs.100/- for India address and Rs.600 for Overseas addresses). Online transfer can be done on the bank info found in www.dukev.org/about ) For more info text/call +91-8886040605)
Listen to the same content in video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qytuyi1eK-k
Here is a full message on what the Bible teaches about sex and sexual sins:
(Duke Jeyaraj, an Engineer turned Doctor of Ministry graduate, is the founder of Grabbing the Google Generation from Gehenna Mission, a ministry that is supported by individual listeners/viewers/readers like you. Find out more about Duke and this inter-denominational ministry by liking www.facebook.com/googleduke ).